Something I’ve waited my whole life to be able to say :). Something so normal that it ends up being taken for granted.
After meeting Neville and a night of Zombies, we retreated to bed upstairs where I slept by a boiler that radiated heat but stayed warm when it wasn’t being requested of more warm heat. A nice and toasty night before a day of gluten-free, homemade food, hanging out with family, and reading on the couch :).
I was falling asleep to a cooking show and mentioned I would head to bed when it became brownie time :). And thank goodness I didn’t go to bed.
After brownies and learning who was eliminated from the Rachel team, we stayed up talking. Like a trip to grandma’s, I was suddenly learning about my family; things I should have known all along and not been hidden or blinded from.
I jokingly referred to someone in my family as an ostrich a year or so ago. While it was taken lightheartedly and said lovingly, and their hair did have the perfect prickles of an ostrich, I am very sorry for the reference. The only one with their head so far in the sand they can’t see the light is me.
I’ve come to realize that we all have a form of denial, whether it’s personal or something we simply don’t want to see in the people we are to unconditionally love. I should not have been so blind. Perhaps learning more is just as important to understanding as it is to learn to attend ACOA meetings.
The common thread: alcohol.
On both sides of the family. Strong, long, heritage lines. Things I was only around enough to think of as social and never bridge the connection to daily desire and dependance. Four generations back, all the way to my generation if she would only see it. People that I love so much. It doesn’t change my view of them; just opens my eyes to a bit more of the disheartening in the world for me to learn from and strengthen my understanding of circumstances.
Like watching a movie from when we were kids, it’s funny how things make so much more sense from an adult perspective with the wonderful gift of hindsight. No wonder I have yet to learn how to stomach much alcohol. I’d rather drown my life in diet coke. But, the fact of the matter is, neither is right, neither is healthy, and there’s so much more to the world. Time to grow up a little more.