Wants vs. Needs & the innate need to fell wanted

I’ve been on a quest the past few weeks to figure out what I want from life.

This, combined with other factors seem to be leading me down this path of finding where I’m wanted; not just what I need.

There is a different feeling when you want something. Maybe that’s why in the wants versus needs complex, needs are not as satisfying as wants. And, strangely for me, I might have found something looking at the relationships in my life. Or at least the relationships in my house.

Max and Percy and I have a different relationship among the furrbabies. Thankfully, Emily and Ender have never had to feel a desperate need to survive. We just rescued Percy yesterday and he has already given me ferret kisses. His previous owners were tired of him and had decided to put him down just because they didn’t seem to have time for him anymore. He’s beautiful and perfectly healthy and I wanted him to come home with us. We are his third home in 10 days; but no one has wanted him for quite some time. Maybe that’s why I received the first kisses so soon.

Max was a stray for six years and then for six years he lived with hoarders. I was looking for a friend for Emily when I ran across an ad on Craigslist for an older cat. I wasn’t sure about him, with his crinkled ear and strange aloofness among two younger kittens, but I knew if nothing else, I could find him a new home. His owners were moving and could only take two of the three cats. He had been voted oldest man out. What I didn’t plan on was us bonding so well. He handled my Emily and stuck by my side. He now sits here as I write as my sweet boy in his forever home! But again, that day, I wanted him to come home with me.

Maybe this is why I form strange relationships with people: that’s the problem with my parents. They never wanted children. They needed to have us for their own crazy reasons. But that was almost 30 years ago and the need is gone. The bond was never correct.

And as a tear slides down my cheek with this realization, my best friend rolls over and holds me tighter even though he’s fast asleep and doesn’t know the million thoughts running through my head delaying sleep. And I’m once again reaffirmed how truly wonderful it is to be wanted.

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Dear Robin

As someone who grew up with Robin Williams, I am shocked and in disbelief of his passing. As a scholar of mental health communications, and someone who has suffered from depression, it saddens me to see someone’s life taken. But then again, we all get tired of being strong.

In the spirit of entrepreneurship, his words touch me. I had never heard this quote before. But you have to believe that that your words and ideas can change the world to start something like a group to help single moms and to give back to parents, who must make decisions bigger than themselves every day. I am neither. I come from a single mom. But I saw what she went through. I can only help to be as strong as her someday, should the time come for me to bring another human into the world.

So I would like to mention It Works! Global’s Confianza product. This product has done wonders for me. But the message here is: it takes guts to say something is wrong. If you suffer from depression, please find help, whether it’s with your doctor or from a natural remedy to help with stress/anxiety/depression like Confianza. Your life is too precious. We need you.

If you are curious about Confianza or other It Works! Global products, please visit my site at BAMidea.myItWorks.com.

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Cry, the Beloved Country

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People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite…Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden but never explained.

“Cry, the Beloved Country” was one of the few required reading books that I fell in love with. The world lost an amazing person today. Rest in Peace Nelson Mandela. May your legacy live on and continue to inspire.

Hello? Are You There?

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There’s a lot of things I wonder why my parents didn’t teach me. Sometimes I think there should be the ultimate etiquette book or life for dummies and then I think – I can do that! And the next thought is I wouldn’t even know where to start!

But the latest wondering is if I’m not interested in talking on the phone because it was a “forbidden” activity, to an extent, growing up. My sister and I used to hope we were out of milk. Out of milk meant our dad had to go around the corner (literally: down the street, turn right, up the street) and pick up milk on Saturday morning. It wasn’t so much of a big deal during the school year on weekend visits; but in the month visit of July, we craved those mornings so we could call our mom.

One of us would stand by the window and watch. The other would dial and talk for a bit and then we would switch duties until the sudden “he’s back! we have to go! we love you!” and return to the Saturday morning cartoons in the living room with our heart racing, but content. We got to talk to our mom.

Last year I made the commitment to actually answer the phone when people call. Its not that I screen calls, I just have to put myself in the mindset to talk on the phone. I’m always okay after the conversation, but there’s such high anxiety getting there. It usually takes a few days to convince myself to call the phone company. Where as, at work, it was put on your big girl panties and make the necessary phone call, immediately, all the time, when needed.

So this year, here’s to taking the next step: I will, somehow, become a better family caller.

How could my parents have not taught me proper phone etiquette to stay in touch with family? Oh wait, they were too busy fighting each other or their parents to even try to understand that we needed to talk to both sides of the family. Do parents really realize the complications divorce builds in for their children later in life?

Like Brother Like Friend

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Probably the only thing more fascinating than watching mother-daughter interactions is watching old friends interact. Two people so bonded that they throw their heads back and laugh at the same recollections and jokes. Two people who just get each other. Two people who are brothers in every sense of the word that matters.

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The Story of 5

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Lessons from a 5 year old:
I need a drink.
Good Lord.

Lessons from a (5×5 + 5/5) year old: My, My Little Ponies were
much cuter,
more detailed,
had a better theme song,
and never! said or did evil. the ponies were good; the humans and dragons were evil.

The conclusion: 5 cats in one day? I am cat woman lol

And never underestimate the fun power of having blue tongues! (We made aquariums with blue jello and shark gummies – treasure chest included!)

Ten ways ‘Til Sunday

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Still trying to figure this out:

“the world will break your heart ten ways ‘til sunday, that’s guaranteed and i can’t begin to explain that or the craziness inside myself and everybody else. but guess what? sunday is my favourite day again. i think of everything everyone did for me and i feel like a very lucky guy.” 

– pat, in the ‘silver linings playbook’

New Year. New Learnings.

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It’s amazing how much fun last night was – how much joy and happiness and eager faces to greet the new year. So many wonderful, strong hugs were exchanged, with heartfelt wishes for the best 2013. After finally going to bed around 3am and a brief sleep before the TV and cuckoo clocks woke us, it seemed like a new and exciting day and we should do everything possible to do the things we wished to do throughout the new year.

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I probably should have realized the day was not over when this was posted as StoryPeople’s post of the day.

And then, reality set in. Charli and Jordan and I went to see “Pitch Perfect” and had a perfectly, wonderful, girly afternoon concluding with Whataburger on the beach and a near seagull attack over the leftover fries. But we returned home to one sister fighting for her life in Michigan which was causing the two sisters in Texas to fight and plan trips up north. And suddenly, a completely joyous day has us back to praying and being thankful for what we have.

So, in reference to the movie while I figure this out more: good night aca-people!